10 American Women More Interesting than The Duchess of Cambridge

As you may or may not know, The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are currently on a tour of North America. They’ve spent X (I’m not going to bother looking up the actual amount) of days touring Canada and will spend X amount of days in the United States.

The official twitter page for The Duke and Duchess, Clarence House, sent out an unintentionally hilarious tweet Friday morning saying: “…the next stop for The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge is California, to strengthen US and UK ties”

LOLOLOLOLOL to strengthen US and UK ties. Calm down, Clarence House, it’s Los Angeles and WE’RE ALL FINE.

According to People magazine they’re staying at the British Consul-General’s LA residence—where Helena Bonham Carter and Tom Hooper have stayed—and they’ll be attending a BAFTA event where Jennifer Lopez is also a guest. Also, something something the Beckhams something something (probably).

Strengthening ties, yo!

They’ll be doing some very basic political things too, like shaking hands or whatever. I don’t know. I’m not Clarence House. I’m just a person!

I am not anti-William and Kate. I like weddings. I like wedding stories. I like pretty dresses/hats/things. I like them! I can seamlessly turn any conversation into a discussion of Kate Middleton’s outfits—which are very rarely interesting and almost never impressive to me but that’s a whole ‘nother post (that I will not be writing) (ps, her formal gowns are ALWAYS killer though, she always looks great in color, she always wins Spring Fling Queen). And no duh she’s pretty and no duh they look great together. But that’s not saying much about them individually. Besides I just like nice celebrities—which is what they are: celebrities.

I mean, the royal family basically does nothing, right? They’re just kind of royal in name and get money from their government and sometimes go on tours where they’re able to attract attention to certain causes in provinces they represent—which is great. But basically, they’re on Welfare and just happen to have ancestors who paid off their houses and left them a bevy of family heirlooms in the form of precious jewels and crowns.

Please correct me if I’m wrong.

On Thursday morning I was eating breakfast on campus before I had to go to work and I was feeling pretty proud of myself for consciously watching one of the millions of flat screens in the dining area tuned to CNN.

They talked about Casey Anthony and the final space shuttle mission for two seconds apiece then cut to a way too long segment about the royals and their tour of Canada.

It reminded me of when Paris Hilton’s popularity was at its apex and it seemed like there was some secret law that mandated that every news outlet talk about her every five minutes of every day.

Here I was thinking we couldn’t talk about truly great people because news networks had to fill their daily quotas of namedropping Real Housewives and Kardashians, but no! We have time to talk about the “Royal Couple” so that theory is false. I was/am annoyed because there are other people we can fawn over and we never do.

Did you know that for the first time in eleven years the Today Show did not interview the Newbery and Caldecott Award winners? Do you know who they interviewed instead? Some tangerine from Jersey.

So, instead of waiting for someone to write about people who I’d like to know more about, I’m just going to write about them. If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself, yadda yadda, et cetera et cetera, the end.

I know there are way more than ten American women more interesting than The Duchess of Cambridge, but writing about more than ten seemed like overkill and less than that seemed neglectful. The ten I chose come from a variety of backgrounds, represent multiple races and political beliefs and here’s a hint at the first woman: if you can’t take her out tonight, try another day.

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